In January when I put together my vision board for the year I added two quotes about self-love that I found on Pinterest. The first simply said, “Devote this year to loving yourself more.” The second was a bit more honest about where I’ve been and where I want to go, it reads, “You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
It’s true and so hard to admit…I don’t think I can honestly say that I’ve ever attacked my goals from a center of self-love. Ever. The goals I’ve arrived at are from the exact opposite place. From a place of lack, and not enough or not good enough that has sparked the change and the goal to pursue. I can give you a whole list; losing baby weight because I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror, starting a business because I didn’t feel valuable without one and even making a million dollars because that’s how I thought I’d finally measure up.
Change is typically sparked by discomfort, a desire to change where we’re going based on where we’ve been. It’s that tension between where we are now and where we want to be. As women, we’re good at finding everything we want to change, am I right? When we look in the mirror most of us are finding the flaws well before we find the celebrations.
So why does this need to change if it’s working?
Because in the end it doesn’t. I’ve been able to achieve goals without self-love, but do you know who meets me at the finish line? Me, the girl who’s striving to reach these goals to be loved more in the end. But if self-love was never part of the equation, self-love and acceptance don’t show up at the finish line. It becomes this vicious cycle of “I’ll be happy when.” When I achieve that next goal, when I lose 10 lbs., when I make more money, when I have more time, when I have a bigger house, when I get married, when I have children, when, when, when!
There is no when! We’re happy now and love and accept ourselves now, not at the end of a goal. We either decide to make self-love a priority or it will not happen. That’s why at 35 years old I’ve thrown out the measurements, the new fad diet, and the fitness goals and I’m choosing to love myself today, just how I am.
Is it easy? Psh it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Do you know how many times I looked in the mirror in January and I didn’t measure up? Every single time. Shutting down those voices and choosing a new language is haaaaaard. It takes discipline and a conscious effort every day. It’s still hard but it’s getting easier and more comfortable.
The end goal is to love and accept me no matter what. Without conditions or limitations. I want to love this girl who has so much enthusiasm for life, female entrepreneurs, building businesses and raising others up! I want to love this girl because I know that in order to pursue my purpose and the thing that set my soul on fire, the only way I can do that is by loving myself more.
So what about you? Do you attack goals from a place of lack? Or do you fully accept and love yourself? What if you loved yourself unconditionally, without measure, what do you think you could do from that center?
You can see more of my thoughts here:
Find out where this journey started: https://www.instagram.com/tv/BlGh4LKngoy/